WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 24, 2024
5:00 AM: I wake up in a panic wondering why my alarm clock didn’t sound, thinking I’ve missed my flight. As the fog clears from my brain, I remember that while I am in fact traveling today, it’s one of those rare instances when we’re flying later in the day, and the show is tomorrow. I roll over and wait for the alarm to go off at 7:30.
10:30 AM: My crew and I arrive at LaGuardia Terminal A, the old Marine Air Terminal. Back in the 1940s, LaGuardia was the only major airport in the U.S. to offer regularly scheduled international flights, and those flights flew out of Terminal A, so it made sense that U.S. Customs and Border Protection had offices there. Today, LGA doesn’t have any Customs and Border Protection services, so when you fly internationally out of LGA, you clear U.S. CBP at the arriving airport. Conversely, when you fly internationally into LGA, you clear U.S. CBP at the departing airport, which is kinda weird.
Regardless, if you’re traveling internationally with equipment and a carnet, the carnet has to be validated before you leave LGA. And that happens at Terminal A, even though an international flight will almost certainly not depart from Terminal A. Any wonder why I’m so confused? The bottom line is that we’ll bring the gear to Terminal A, have the carnet validated, and then bring the gear to Delta at Terminal C to check in for the flight. High brain damage.
I’d spoken with a Customs officer a few days prior to make an appointment to validate the carnet. We’re way early—the flight doesn’t leave until 2:19 PM—but it’s difficult to predict how long the validation process will take. At the officer’s discretion, every item in every case could be verified against the carnet. Or not. Today, the process goes quickly and painlessly.
11:00 AM: Our cartage company takes the gear over to Terminal C, where we are greeted by a group of Delta skycaps, all of whom know our names. Band, crew and gear check in. The weather is kind of drizzly/foggy, but what’s looming on the horizon doesn’t even dawn on me.
1:30 PM: I head for the gate. The flight should board in 10 or 15 minutes.
1:49 PM: Nothing is happening. The gate agent announces that the flight is delayed due to a ground stop in Toronto until at least 2:15 PM, but doesn’t give a departure time. I gaze out the window and it looks like a scene out of a Sherlock Holmes film: thick fog obscuring the normally clear view of Citi Field from the terminal. Where’s Basil Rathbone?
If we’re delayed as much as an hour, we should still have plenty of time to clear Canadian Customs in Toronto and make the connection to Edmonton, which departs at 7:00 PM. Because the delay is due to a ground stop, the connecting flight will be late getting into Toronto, which means it will likely be delayed getting out of Toronto.
2:25 PM: The gate agent announces that our flight might be canceled. Super!
3:00 PM: The gate agent announces that we’ll board shortly and apologizes for running late.
3:35 PM: The flight boards. Yay!
4:05 PM: Just as I’m about to go down for a nap, the captain announces over the P.A. that the crew has exceeded the duty cycle, i.e. they have (or will) surpass the number of hours they are legally allowed to be working, so they can’t run this flight. We are asked to disembark the plane (!#@#$#!). Moments later, an announcement is made that the flight has been canceled. I set up my “office” near the gate, call Saint Roy (the band’s travel agent) and then phone the band’s manager to bring him up to speed.
4:18 PM: St. Roy can’t get us to Edmonton tonight, so he’s working on another Delta itinerary that departs the following morning at 7:38, connects through Toronto and arrives in Edmonton at 2:22 PM—not what I had in mind, but it gets us there in time to play the show (which had already been postponed from December of last year due to an illness).
Here’s a fun thought: In addition to personal bags, we have 10 pieces of band gear (work boxes, guitars, etc.). What the heck am I going to do with them until tomorrow morning? It’s way too late to call the cartage company for a pickup. I’m scrambling for ideas, then ask St. Roy to book a rental van in case I have to drag all this stuff home for the night.
5:15 PM: St. Roy confirms the tickets for tomorrow, so I tell the band and crew that we can’t get to Edmonton tonight and they should go home. Everyone departs the airport and heads home while I go to Delta customer service and ask a rep about the baggage. I’m told that there’s no need to retrieve the bags. They’ll put the bags on the plane with us tomorrow. I don’t really believe it, but I don’t have a better solution.
5:41 PM: I get into an Uber and head home.
6:19 PM: As my Uber driver is navigating the snakes and arrows of rush hour in NYC, the flight to Toronto in the morning is canceled. I begin the tennis match of bouncing information between St. Roy, the band’s manager and myself to see if there are alternatives, but there’s nothing. We even look into the possibility of flying into Calgary and driving from there to Edmonton. Nope. It looks like this gig is going to be scrapped, again. Yikes.
6:35 PM: The band’s manager calls. He and St. Roy found an itinerary on Air Canada. It’s horrible, of course, but we could make the gig if we’re lucky. Maybe. There’s an Air Canada flight to Montreal at 9:00 PM tonight. We take that flight, spend the night in Montreal, then fly to Edmonton in the AM. Did I mention that it’s rush hour in NYC? There’s no way we make a 9:00 PM flight, but we have to try.
6:50 PM: St Roy confirms that we can get everyone to Montreal tonight. I send a group text telling all the guys to turn around and head back to the airport. I’m only the messenger, but they’re going to hang me. As I’m doing this, the car pulls up in front of my house.
6:55 PM: I politely ask the Uber driver to take me back to LaGuardia airport. It’s now almost 7:00 PM. My ETA at LGA is 8:18 PM. The other guys have similar ETAs.
7:10 PM: I receive the Air Canada itinerary from St. Roy. How did tour managers ever do this job before smart phones? It leaves out of LaGuardia Terminal B. Have I mentioned that our gear and bags are with Delta at Terminal C? I get on the phone with Delta to see if they can connect me with the baggage office at LaGuardia so that I can retrieve the gear, which we’ll then have to load into several taxis and cart from Terminal C to Terminal B—all by 8:00 PM, because passengers and bags must be checked at least an hour before the flight departs. This is why I carry a rosary with me.
7:15 PM: I get a Human Being on the phone through Delta, a baggage supervisor. He’s not at LGA but asks me to hold while he tries to reach someone at LGA. I’m skeptical, but a few minutes later he’s back and has two local baggage supervisors on another line. They start working on pulling our bags. From where? I have no idea.
7:25 PM: We learn that the flight from LGA to Montreal is delayed until 9:45 PM. My odds are improving.
8:00 PM: I arrive at LaGuardia and make a beeline for the baggage office (okay, it wasn’t a beeline. I had to stop at the men’s room). I pull out 14 baggage tags and explain to two workers what’s going on. They look at me like they’ve just seen a unicorn. Right on cue, the two local baggage supervisors show up. They’re already working on getting our bags. Remember: passengers and bags must be checked in at least one hour before flight time. The last time I had to pull bags from a flight it took hours.
8:12 PM: I’m at LGA baggage carousel Number 4 and hear the familiar crash of a 65-pound Pelican work box careening from the belt onto the carousel while I plan the next move. We’ll need a couple of skycaps to get the gear to the taxi stand. What if there’s a line at the taxi stand? A few minutes later, another Pelican workbox crashes onto the carousel, and the guitars are starting to show up at the oversize baggage area. As I contemplate what we’ll do if we’re stuck waiting on, say, one or two last bags, the two baggage reps come over to the carousel with skycaps in tow. One of the baggage reps is on the phone calling for cartage. I’m stunned. I should buy a lottery ticket tonight.
8:15 PM: All bags except one personal bag have been retrieved. Just as I’m about to regretfully inform one of my crew that we simply cannot wait for their bag, he says “Let’s not worry about my bag. I can always find a Walmart.” I have great crew guys, God bless ’em.
8:16 PM: We all follow one of the baggage supes to Door 5—the same place we checked in at 11:00 this morning! The Delta people have three SUVs ready and waiting for us. Again, I am stunned. But wait, there’s more!! The other baggage supe has found the last bag! Now I’m just plain dumbfounded. We load up and head for Terminal B/Air Canada.
8:30 PM: Thankfully, the Air Canada terminal is deserted. The band guys arrived earlier and are already checked in. A few minutes later, we’re at the check-in counter. The agent isn’t sure that she can check us in because we’re so close to flight time, but her co-worker informs us that the flight has again been delayed, until 10:00 PM. Amazing. We start the check-in process, which often can take 30 to 45 minutes due to the number of bags, overweight charges, etc. The Air Canada ticket agent is a pro—pleasant and efficient and moves things along at a fairly swift pace. Wow, I might be able to catch a breath before we take off. Or maybe that flight won’t go at all, thinks Cynical Steve.
9:35 PM: I text the band’s manager to let him know that band, crew and gear are all checked in and at the gate. A few minutes later, the flight is delayed until 10:25 PM. By this point, I’m starving so I get something to eat and start praying that this flight doesn’t get canceled. It doesn’t.
Sometime Around Midnight: We land in Montreal, which is literally crusted with ice. Good news/bad news: the bags have been “short-checked,” which means we have to retrieve them and validate the equipment carnet at Canadian Customs in Montreal. Unfortunately, we’ll then have to drag them with us to the hotel, which St. Roy expeditiously booked once we were all checked in for the flight. The good news is that we won’t have to deal with Customs tomorrow. One of the Canadian Customs officers is a fan of the band, and he treats us like royalty. I must be dreaming.
THURSDAY, JANUARY 25, 2024
12:50 AM: We’re wrangling Ubers to get from the Montreal airport to the hotel—not exactly easy, given the hour, the abysmal weather, and the fact that we need three Uber XLs to accommodate people, gear and personal bags. It takes a few minutes, but by 1:06 AM, we’re all on the way to the hotel.
1:30 AM: I check in everyone at the Doubletree, and the concierge is quite generous with the cookies. I’m glad because I really need a cookie (not to mention a stiff drink to go with it!).
2:30 AM: I lay my head on the pillow. Our flight the next AM is scheduled for 8:10, so we need to be back at the airport by 6:00 AM.
5:00 AM: My alarm wakes me out of a death sleep. Grrrrr.
5:30 AM: We’re all in the hotel lobby. We round up all the bags and gear, then head for the airport.
6:30 AM: We’re all checked in, time to head through security. I get detained because somehow my printer sets off an alarm for explosives residue. I get the entire non-royal treatment. Security goes through my laptop bag, my backpack, my coat pockets, my underwear (just kidding). They ask what my business is in Canada, and ask if I’ve been in contact with explosives or toxic chemicals (whaaaaat?). I’m handed off to a TSA supervisor, who takes my personal information on a form I’ve never before seen. I may now be on the Most Wanted List. They even ask me to remove my phone from its case. Are you kidding me?
7:30 AM: I’m finally through security. The flight boards in 10 minutes. I rush to the gate and the moment I sit down, the gate agent announces that the flight is delayed. So much for making that 12 Noon load-in.
12:30 PM: Finally, we land in Edmonton.
1:30 PM: We’re on our way out of the airport. Fortunately, the venue (a casino/hotel) is taking care of our ground transportation, as opposed to us renting cars and driving. A half-hour later, we finally arrive—only 29 hours later, give or take an hour or two for the change in time zones. My crew goes straight to the showroom while I get the guys checked into their hotel rooms.
4:30 PM: We’re ready for soundcheck, precisely as scheduled. It’s a miracle. If you ever wanna get something done—call a band’s road crew.
As for the rest of the day? Move along, nothing to report here…
