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Products You Won’t See at AES

Every year, the AES show spotlights the latest gear and cutting-edge technologies. However, several significant new products didn't get space on the show

Every year, the AES show spotlights the latest gear and cutting-edge technologies. However, several significant new products didn’t get space on the show floor because the developers didn’t have them ready in time. As a public service to the professional audio community, we present six fine pieces of equipment that, unfortunately, won’t be found at this year’s AES.


You work in an environment with virtual consoles, virtual instruments, virtual sessions. Don’t you think it’s time to take the next step? Maybe you have all of the right gear, but your studio is a rat-infested pit with egg-cartoned walls. The solution: The Virtual Sur-Reality Environment®. Just put on the $399 helmet and drop the visor. Instantly, you’ll experience the sights and sounds of tracking in the Taj Mahal, Abbey Road Studios or 99 other virtual locales. Also available is a live sound version. Why suffer in that dumpy basement club when you can be mixing at Madison Square Garden, Wembley Stadium or the Sydney Opera House? Order yours today!


Those familiar fanfares blaring from mobile catering vehicles are pure Americana, evoking nostaligic, mouth-watering memories in just about everyone. Deep Fried Delights (a division of Pavlovian Response Inc.; Santa Mira, Calif.) unveils the Roach Coach Music Library, with 1,000 of your RC favorites. The comprehensive 125 DVD-ROM collection offers each track in discrete 7.2 surround versions — recorded in linear 32-bit/384kHz precision on location to capture the purity of the performances. This $22,000 set includes classics such as “La Cucharacha,” “Great Green Gobs,” “The Worms Crawl In,” “Where, Oh Where, Has My Little Dog Gone?” and many more.


Serious studio professionals reference their mixes on small near-field speakers, car stereos, boomboxes and headphones, but until now one environment has been ignored. “The Wall” subwoofer/processor takes any line input and outputs an exact simulation of how your mix sounds played through an adjacent wall. Presets include apartment (15 to 20 Hz), flophouse (20 to 30 Hz), mobile home (10 to 40 Hz) and Motel 6 (3 to 40 Hz). Retail: $999; a 140dB mobile pimp-mobile option is also offered.


Today’s tracks often sound stiff, overquanitized and sterile. Put the human factor back into your creations with The Drunkulator™. The $99 plug-in reshapes any track’s tempo, giving the classic feel of the inebriated drummer. Now get that same vibe without the hiccups or bad breath (and worse) of the genuine article. Presets include happy, tipsy, buzzed, lubed, wasted, soused, bombed, schnockered, looped, fried, baked, blasted, sloshed, trashed, s**t-faced, plowed, hammered, blotto and out cold. Supported platforms are VSOP, ESP, MPG, RFD, LSMFT and native Atari-ST.


Testing microphones that might be bad can be tricky, especially with an intermittent fault that may not show up during the test. The Ultimate Mic Tester from Blowemout Enterprises offers an inexpensive, permanent solution. Simply connect the XLR end of the cable into the mic, plug the AC cable into any power outlet and instantly the mic will be verified as defective with 100-percent accuracy — guaranteed. MSRP is $19.95; options include 220/240VAC plugs for travel, and multipin adapters for use with tube and stereo mics. UMT — the last word in plug-ins for any mic.


The ultimate vocal effect, the Stoogelizer applies a proprietary modeling algorithm to transform any input into the sound of the three stooges — Moe, Larry or Curly — as well as the growl of Shemp or Joe Besser’s nasal whine. A stepped-processing function lets any user perform the classic three-part harmony of the “Hello, Hello, Hello…Hello!” intro — even live. The Stoogelizer also includes hundreds of onboard samples from “nyuk, nyuk, nyuks,” “nynaaaaaahs” and “whoop, whoop, whoops” to slaps, boings, walnut crackings and anvil strikes. Retail: $599.