New York, NY (April 1, 2024)—New audio announcements come out constantly, but every April 1, there’s a select few about which one exclaims, “That’s unbelievable!” Today, in particular, saw a number of such equipment offerings—and a venue—get unveiled.
Rather than edit the press releases to remove excessive hype, grossly unsubstantiated claims and naked skullduggery, we’ve opted to run the respective announcements “as-is” to allow you, the discerning public, to discern a discernible discernment as to what may be discerned from them.
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Auralex MooDude Cowbell Isolation Platform
The Auralex MooDude Cowbell Isolation Platform provides unprecedented Cowbell control for the pro Cowbell artist.
Features include:
- Cowbell Calibration Controls: Adjust the tone, pitch, and resonance of your cowbell with precision. From mellow moo to full-on stampede, the power is in your hands.
- MooDude Mobile App: Control your cowbell from anywhere with our handy mobile app. Adjust settings, schedule cowbell sessions, and even track your cowbell performance stats – because every serious cowbell enthusiast needs analytics.
- MooDude Communication Network: Connect with fellow cowbell enthusiasts around the world with our online cowbell community! Share tips, tricks, and epic cowbell performances with like-minded moo-sicians from every corner of the globe.
- Coming soon – The MooDude-XL™ – Specifically design for Heifer Metal and Cowcore musicians!
We believe that creating the right environment for you and your cowbell is paramount for achieving a great sound and performance. This is complete and total Bovine-ology… You’ll be outstanding in your field!
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Manley Laboratories VOXCOMM Headset
The Manley VOXCOMM is the ultimate tool for today’s self-absorbed artists. Track every brilliant thought, succulent whisper or bodily function. Never squander another potential moment of greatness. In the unlikely event you’d stoop to collaboration (or simply to pilfer someone’s ideas), flip the switch from “me” to “you” or “us.” Note: Your input level will always be louder, brighter and more sensational then theirs.
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Russound Sensless Speaker
New Senseless Speaker Models Go Beyond What’s Possible
Portsmouth, N.H. — April 1, 2024 — Russound, an internationally renowned leader in premium, multiroom audio, announced today its new Senseless™ Series Speakers. Available in two models, Senseless and Extra Senseless, Russound’s new speakers are now shipping and are ideal for applications where speakers must be completely invisible.
“At Russound, we know how important it is for speakers to install quickly and easily while blending into any décor or interior design,” said Charlie Porritt, CEO, Russound. “One growing trend in the industry has been ‘invisible’ speakers, and Russound’s engineering team has spent countless hours working on concepts, designs, and prototypes. This year, with the help of artificial intelligence, we’ve made a breakthrough that will upend the entire audio industry.”
How did Russound do it? Rather than limiting itself to advice from a single AI platform, the company has leveraged the combined power of all major AI systems in a unique way by tasking each AI to ask each other AI how to make a better invisible speaker. Think of it: ChatGPT will ask Copilot to ask Gemini to ask DALL-E and so on. It’s just like the telephone game we all enjoyed as kids, but enormously amplified by the limitless and unquestionable power of AI.
The results were astonishing. Trillions upon trillions of calculations were made by these complex AI systems, which quickly determined that the value of invisible speakers was that they were “undetectable to one of the five senses of the human body … i.e., sight.”
The solution for improving upon the invisible speaker came quickly to the world’s most advanced artificial intelligence and to Russound’s engineering team: Make the speaker undetectable to not just one sense, but to all five senses!
The engineering team then rose to the challenge to create the world’s first truly Senseless Speaker: You can’t see it, you can’t smell it, you can’t taste it, you can’t touch it, and best of all, you can’t hear it.
What beta testers are saying about the new Russound Senseless Speaker:
- “I’ve been complaining to speaker manufacturers for years that their products taste awful. Finally, there’s a speaker that solves the problem.”
- “Finally, a speaker that no one can complain about! Other than frequently losing them on the job site, of course. They sure are hard to find once you take them out of the box.”
- “Acoustically, it’s almost like the speaker isn’t even there.”
- “This is the most innovative speaker I’ve come across in years. I’m going to recommend it on all of my jobs.”
More information is available at www.russound.com/senseless-speaker.
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City Winery Announces “The Barrel” in Las Vegas
This innovative and unprecedented music venue is a strategic dream collaboration which will bring together unique venue design with next-generation technology from a variety of Elon Musk’s Companies including Tesla, Tesla Solar Panels, Tesla Powerwall Batteries, and the Boring Company unveiling point-to-point transportation from the Airport to the Barrel.
LAS VEGAS (April 1, 2024) — City Winery founder Michael Dorf explains, “Imagine if Elon wanted to build the ideal concert venue that was acoustically perfect, incorporated the ultimate in hospitality and modern wine distribution, and was beyond 100% carbon neutral, but put more energy back into the grid—well, this is what we are announcing today.”
Let’s start with the arrival at Las Vegas International Airport where guests will be invited to Terminal X, the new transportation hub that is connected to a series of tunnels to support the all-electric, zero-emissions VIP transportation system. Each mini-bus resembles a barrel shape and holds 8 people comfortably for their 75-second ride directly to the Venue. There they are greeted in the VIP lobby and escorted to one of more than 150 vertical tunnels that resemble an elevator to your seat.
The Barrel is twice the size of the recently opened Sphere with 35,000 seats, has 3x the high-resolution screens, and 4x as many speakers designed by Meyer Sound and is already 5x over budget. Remarkably, when seated, one feels as if every seat is in the front row. While the electrical consumption of the venue is approximately 45 kilowatt hours per month, the new Tesla Solar Panels on the exterior, disguised as real wood, will generate 150 kilowatt hours per month, putting more electric back into the grid. The Tesla Garage next door, offers free power to any of the 3000 spaces reserved for concert goers. No gas cars are allowed in the exclusive garage.
In a scientific breakthrough in the City Winery labs along with the Boring Company’s micro tube division, the venue will unveil a giant tap wine, beer and tequila infrastructure providing taps at every seat. Using the “MytapApp” one simply orders their glass and from a system of over 180 miles of ¼ inch food-grade tubes and perfect pours arrives instantly. Using a system that cleans while sending argon gas “micro-barrels” to push the beverages, there is zero transmission loss in the lines from a central refrigeration hub. Under the Barrel X, there is a 100,000 square foot cellar where the actual barrels are stored and moved into pressurized stainless steel. Under the cellar is 100,000 square foot winery and distribution center. The beer is a collaboration with the Las Vegas Brewing Company and the Tequila is in red wine barrels in a partnership with Calirosa.
In the announcement today, Mr. Dorf stated, “Some might say it’s foolish, but this new venue certainly takes the concert and hospitality industry into the 22nd century, it is by no means in disrespect to the newly opened Sphere in Las Vegas. I recently saw U2 there and it was a remarkable, next level experience and I applaud Jim Dolan and the entire MSG team.”
But Dorf & Musk are trying to do something different with the Barrel. While already over budget at press time, the team is hoping to make up some of the deficit with electric donations. The Tesla parking garage will include an opportunity for fans to donate some power from their cars back to the grid in program called “Philanthrotricity.” Details of this program are still to be announced.
Set to open the Barrel with dates in 2025 is a special tribute to Crosby, Stills, and Nash featuring an unprecedented trio of voices of Beyonce, Taylor Swift, and Jeff Tweedy. Special surprise guest Neil Young is confirmed for the opening week. Ticketing will be fully dynamic fan generated market level blockchain NFT’s and are on-sale today at www.TheBarrelLasVegas.com. Tickets for the opening week are already trading at $30,000 each.
